3note3: The Deep Archives

Drop your defenses. "Our automatic set point is to listen defensively," Lerner explains. "We listen for what we don't agree with, so we can defend ourselves and correct the facts." She suggests keeping an open mind and listening with an explicit intention to understand the other person...

Figuring this out unstuck me from chasing the perfect method and focus on what really matters – getting things done. Everyone has a system Even if you consider yourself chaotic and you don't like having a formal system, you do things in patterns.For example, you might not have a specific time o...

I have a special sympathy for sufferers of a particular human problem, and I get more emails about it than just about any other topic. There are normal people, who get overwhelmed on those occasions when they have more obligations to fulfill than time in which to fulfill them. Then the...

Productivity systems often focus on how to do the work. However, it is crucial to understand why we are struggling to do the work in the first place. Often, our procrastination triggers are emotional rather than rational, which makes it hard to analyse them in an objective way. Learning about the...

Need to know Sometimes, when I’m grappling with a tricky topic, I pretend that I need to explain it to a child. For example, here is my attempt at explaining the purpose of this Guide to a notional nine-year-old: I want to help people work out what they really think and mean, and then to ...

Grappling with your thoughts will leave you even more entangled in worry. Use metacognitive strategies to break free Need to know If you’re an overthinker, you’ll know exactly how it goes. A problem keeps popping up in your mind – for instance, a health worry or a dilemma at work – and yo...

Need to know So you want to be excellent at something? You don’t just want to be OK at it, to be able to get by or make a living. It’s not even enough to be rich and famous. Nickelback is a big Canadian band and they’ve made a ton of money, but most people don’t think their music is excellent. T...

The loss of a friendship can be devastating. Whether it’s the slow drifting apart from a childhood friend, the sudden, sharp distance created by a disagreement, or one of the many relationships that have quietly fallen away during the pandemic, losing someone that you thought would always be in ...